I Want A New Computer Too!

It would appear that several of my friends have upgraded their old systems or gone out and either built or purchased completely new systems. Now I'm feeling all left out and envious. :( Especially after this past Saturday night when I saw my friends smokin' new computer. The only word I can think of to describe this thing is, it's a beast. I won't geek out and go into the specifics, but just be assured it's insane and I want one :) *drool*

I sat down and did some online window shopping, no pun intended. I figured with what I have now, I don't need to replace the monitor, keyboard or mouse. Just the tower, and some of the parts in the tower are rather recent and can be transferred to the new system. IE: my DVD+/-RW drive.

So with that said, I now must begin the tedious task of putting money aside for it, and no offense to my g/f but I've earned the right to have this, and if she doesn't like it, :P

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

This seems to be the biggest question I have been asking myself over the past few weeks. I have become increasingly frustrated with my current relationship. I grow more and more tired of the things I seem to have to put up with. I find myself just getting annoyed talking to my g/f at times. I know these are not good signs.

Since I decided not to move in with my g/f things have gone from bad to worse. I feel like this is a deliberate tactic to make me reconsider my decision. Which I refuse to do, because I know it's a mistake and I'm not going to make a mistake that big at this point in my life. Other things that are starting to get on my nerves is my g/f complaining about her weight, but never doing anything about it. I come up with a giant list of things she could do, but all I get in response is "I can't" before the effort is even made. That just pisses me off. I have said many times before, I don't mind helping people, as long as the first make the effort to help themselves.

I have grown very tired of playing the knight in shinning armor, here to solve all her problems and take her away to some magic kingdom where everything is perfect. I'm tired of it, so now I have to ask myself the question, should I stay or should I go. Do I care enough about her to stay and make it work, or do I walk away and go on to something else. Being single doesn't scare me, and if this bull plop, stress and frustration is what being in a relationship is all about, to hell with that, I'd rather be on my own.

I have enough stress and problems of my own to deal with and solve, I don't need that compounded by the problems and stresses of someone else not seemingly willing to help themselves. I try everyday to help her in some way, but it's never enough. I've hit a point where I don't have a life of my own. It's like I go to work and earn money to be spent on her now, and I've been there, done that, and I'm not going down that road again. This girl has made some plans for me that I'm not too keen on right now. Marriage, kids and the likes. I'm sitting here going, when the hell did I agree to those things? I distinctly remember saying "when the time comes, those things will be discussed".

So, in the end I need to sit down with my g/f and have a very long talk about everything and sort this stuff out. If I don't , I'm going to either explode or just go to a very bad place that I had hoped to never go again. The time has come and I hope things turn out well.... :(

Stand Back, Vent Blows Hot Air....

Alrighty, as the title of this post may indicate, this is going to be a venting session. Specifically about work. So if you don't feel like reading a bitch session, I advise you to stop reading now and move on to happier blogs :)

Okay, so if you're still reading that means you have some interest in what I'm about to say, so here we go. If you didn't already know I work in something of a call center. I know, I know, call centers are breeding grounds for bull plop. However the place where I work is different. The company treats their employees very well. Sure I wish it paid a little more, but it's the best salary I've had in a 4 years.

If I like the company I work for why am I ticked off? Very simple. Everywhere I worked I've done a butt load of work. I work very hard, and that's not a personal opinion, that's the truth. I have a very strong work ethic. If I'm being paid to work, I should be working. Plain and simple. that's just the way I am. My problem is, I'll be busting my pooper, doing as much work as I possibly can and there are people around me, doing as little as they can and bitching they don't get the recognition, and kudos that I seem to get. IE: bonuses, advancement, etc.

I don't understand why some people seem to think that working the least should be rewarded the most. I work hard day in and day out regardless of how I feel, or what's going on in my life outside of work. I earned all the respect, rewards and advancement I have been given so far. Yes I've only been with this company a short while, but when I guy comes into a company and in 6 months can do more than someone who's been there 4 years, and do all of it better, shouldn't he be rewarded? given advancement? shouldn't the best person for the job get the job?

I realize that this day in age, the "it's not what you know it's who you know" attitude is alive and well, but the company I work for doesn't look at things that way. They look at stats, abilities and how hard someone works and make their decisions on that. Not whose butt you kissed yesterday. I'm getting very tired of being resented for being a hard worker with a brain, and if it wouldn't cost me my job, I'd gladly say something about it to all the complainers I have to deal with on a daily basis.

Sleep, I Want Sleeeeeeep

So begins the second week of my new shift. I don't think I've fully adapted to the new shift as of yet. I'm still having a lot of difficulty getting to sleep at a reasonable hour so I can get enough sleep for the next day. The biggest problem is I come home from work, and I'm still awake/hyped up from work, and it always takes a few hours for me to unwind and relax to be ready to sleep. The problem with working this new 10 hour shift is, there is less time between when I get off work and when I have to be at work again the next day.

More or less it's going to require a lifestyle change that I haven't been able to make happen as of yet. When my days off arrive this week, I'm going to seriously sit down and make some lists and try to get things in order and make a routine of it, so I can go to work everyday not looking like a bloody raccoon, and don't need sickly amounts of coffee or energy drinks (depending on my mood).

Anyway, that is all for now. 'till next time.

First 3 Day Weekend Has Come to An End

Yes, my first of many 3 day weekends have come to a close. Sadly, I didn't really get all that much accomplished. I had a list in my head of what I wanted to get done, and I only got a fraction of it actually completed. I mean, yes it is slightly frustrating, but it's my own fault really. I really should actually write the list down, and cross of the things I finish/accomplish, rather than just leaving the list in my feeble mind to collect dust and never be completed.

One of the things that was on my list that I did accomplish was to go and see the movie 300. I went to a Sunday late show, and the theatre was packed! My first thought was "damn! movie must be good to draw such a crowd to a Sunday night". My second thought was "Crap! Now I have to deal with ignorant people who don't know how to behave at the movies". Luckily, for the most part it was a nice experience. The movie was good, and I enjoyed it a lot, sure some parts were a little over the top, but overall, very enjoyable action movie. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if the guy sitting next to me hadn't have taken a bath in cologne and knew how to sit like a gentleman. He sat in his chair as if he were sitting on the bench during a basketball game.

So anyway, other than not accomplish much over the weekend, and just being particularily lazy. It was an okay weekend. 'till next time.

Long Shift, Short Sleep, Long Weekends

Alright, Day 3 of my new shift. I must say I'm feeling it. I'm not complaining though, it's totally worth it. Having a 3 day weekend all the time is completely worth it. Now I'm only supposed to have this shift for 3 months, however with the rumours that have been flying around the office, it may be more like 6 months. Not like I really care, I wouldn't mind having long weekends through-out the summer. :)

On a different note, it's Tax season, and due to the online tax return problem, I am going to be mailing in my tax return, but because I moved to a different province, I didn't receive the forms in the mail, and now have to attempt to track them down. Naturally everywhere I go, there are none left :( I still have a little more than a month left to get it filed, but still, I'd rather get it done sooner than later.

And lastly, the g/f and I sat down last night, and I voiced my concerns about this friend of hers, she accused me of being insecure, and I explained to her it wasn't that I didn't trust her, it was I don't know this guy, I don't know what his intentions are and because of their past (they dated for a few weeks) naturally I have some concerns. As well, me being my over analytical self, I look at all the possibilities. I'm sure I've got nothing to be concerned about, however, there is naturally that tiny nagging voice that says "be careful".

Anyway, that's all for now. A good ramble I must say. 'till next time :)

Adjusting

Well, today is the second day of my new shift at work, and I must say, the new sleep schedule I need to be on while working this shift is kicking my butt. Then again, it's only the second day. The main problem is the time I was getting off my old shift, is the time I need to be heading to bed to be up and ready for work on my new shift. My mind comprehends that, my body hasn't caught up yet. Oh well, in time I suppose.

This Friday the g/f and I are supposed to go out to a birthday celebration for a friend of hers. A friend I've actually never met, only heard about, the entire time she and I have been together. I'm not really nervous about meeting the guy, that's a non-issue. It's the things I've heard about him that make me cautious. He's said to my g/f in the past and recently that he made a mistake letting her "get away" and that he "missed his chance" and he regrets that. I don't want to be the jealous type and not allow my g/f to see her friends, but friends like this, well, naturally because I don't know him, and because of the things I've been told, makes me cautious. I mean, if all they are is just friends, and he's a gentleman about it, hey no worries. I have female friends, why shouldn't she be allowed male friends. Hopefully I'm just being paranoid and he's really a good guy, although I've run into times in the past where being too trusting has come back to bite me in the ass, and I'm just hoping that this is not going to be one of those times.

Anyway, 'tis all for now. 'till next time.

Back, But Not in Black

I am back at work after a 5 day leave to attend my godfathers funeral in Quebec. The service, both the wake and the funeral, were beautiful and very appropriate. I was very hard not to be all emotional, but I figured my Aunt and cousins were emotional enough as it was, they didn't need my blubbering to make matters worse.

Aside from the emotional roller coaster that is a funeral, I got to see relatives I haven't seen in a very long time. Some it had only been a few years, others it had been closer to 20 years, kind of scary when you really think about it. My father got to see relatives and friends he hasn't seen in nearly 40 years, so that was really great for him.

Anyway, I started my new shift today, and I must say it was hard to get up earlier in the day, but hopefully I'll get used to it soon, the only downside is I work 10hours a day, so the time between getting off work and going back to work is shorter, but the upside is I get a 3 day weekend every week, so YAY!! Especially since the weather has been getting progressively better, I can spend more time outside and try to get rid of my pale winter complexion and no longer look like a ghost. :)

Anyway, that is all for now. 'till next time :)

Going To Be Away....

Well, I'm going to be away from a computer for about 3 days or so. I am going to my god-father's funeral in Quebec, and since I don't have a laptop I can take with me and hook into a wi-fi connection, I have to take a leave of absence from my computer. So if you are a person who emails me on a regular basis, or someone whose blog I comment on almost daily, don't take offense if I don't comment or respond in the next few days.

I haven't been to a lot of funerals in my life, this is the 3rd one that I can remember. I find after going to a funeral I start looking at my own mortality and that can get depressing. Hopefully that won't be too much of a problem this time. Anyway, 'tis all for now, see you in a few days.

Trying To Make Things Better

Well, after the last two weeks of crap, here's to hoping for a week of good things. I going to try and turn things around and find a positive frame of mind and get going again. After being robbed, having my god-father die, having a huge fight with my girlfriend and having the worst two weeks at work I've had since I started at my new job, it's time for things to start getting better.

Due to all the crap going on I missed getting to go see a movie I wanted to see, I missed going to a convention I wanted to go to, and had planned on going to for 3 months. So Yeah, the crapfest needs to end, and some goodtimes need to come around. However, sometimes you have to make those things happen, and that's what I intend to do this week.

So, beyond all that garbage, things are going pretty good I suppose, but let's see if I can make some better things happen :)